This weekend has been just too much. Too much heavy rain, too much rubbish on the television. Too much work and too much of being on my own. Oddly enough even when I am with someone at the moment I feel quite alone. I have no idea why, but being positive seems to have left my body. I know where I should be mentally, i just can’t quite make the leap.
I smiled today as I sat in a queue of traffic going to work. A small child was not budging an inch. He was determined that he wasn’t moving until he got what he wanted. I thought how easily we often give in, for peace or for ease. Then I realised, we negotiate, however he hadn’t worked that out yet.
After yesterdays news came today’s realisation, that its time for a real change. A chance to live more, not worry about the past or try and see into the future but to take the bull by the horns and make the moment the right time to change.
The last few weeks have been a real challenge. Its been hard to keep positive, keep the smile glued to my face, write nice happy postivie blogs and not dwell on the worries that have almost consumed me. Today I got the 2 words I needed to hear more than I LOVE YOU. they are the words that mean a million dollars to me, that will make me live my life. These 2 little words are ALL CLEAR. I am thankful and breath a sigh of relief.
Today I am all over the place. Every emotion I can think of consumes me in waves. I know why I just don’t know how to get rid of them all. Today’s tune in my head has been the Proclaimers ‘you broke my heart’. It seems awfully apt. Not just one person breaking my heart but many. Not just for love, but friendship, kindness and compassion. People are so good at stomping all over you to get what they want. If only they stopped and thought what it does to the other person?
This weekend has been full of the unexpected and surprises. From a small smile that that made me feel warm, a laugh that made me feel alive. The drizzle of rain which woke me up, and the kindness that had made me fell a million dollars. I am not great at saying how I feel. I use the words ‘nice and like’ more than anything else. To me ‘nice and like’ make my heart sing, make me feel warm, connected and feel alive.
I am always trying to describe myself. There is no one who is the same as me. There is only one me, which you could be thankful for today. I sat at work and a friend text and said a customer had asked for something unique. I text back… ‘That’s you’ he is like each one of us Unique. So today’s inspiration comes from all things that are original and unique.